Sugarcane

...Except the world doesn't end. You look around you, as people stare at your mayo-crusted body. Then you get tackled to the floor by men in blue and all goes black.\n\nYou go to jail for several years. You appear all over the news. Your family disowns you and all your friends leave you.

You: NEVER MIND\n\nHer: uh ok\n\n[[Back to Facebook|Facebook]]

The apocalypse is nigh and you want to play a game?! Fine.\n\n<html><iframe src="http://www.gamejolt.com/" width="1000" height="1000"></html>\n\n[[Back|Computer]]

<<set $canFacebook=false>><<set $confess=true>>You've done so much bad stuff you can't remember all of it, but you do confess as much as you can, embarrassing though your actions may be.\n\nAlmost immediately, there are a torrent of hateful comments directed at your person, as well as several death threats. You quickly [[close the tab|webBrowser]].\n\n

<<display CountDown>>\n<<set $timerstart=true>>\n<<display Soon>>

You bring up Facebook Chat with your crush.\n\nYou: hi\n\nHer: Oh hi.\n\nYou: the worlds gonna end oh god\n\nHer: You really believe that? Anyway, are you going to submit the group assignment on Wednesday? Ms Lee wants it by then.\n\nCHOOSE YOUR OPTION:\n\n[[I LOVE YOU|confessLove]]\n[[never mind|neverMind]]

<<set $timerstart=false>><<set $spentMoney=false>><<set $money=0>><<set $crush=false>><<set $confess=false>><<set $mayoDone=false>><<set $canFacebook=true>><<set $slept=false>><<set $mayo=false>><<display TrueStart>>

#timer_text\n{\n display: none;\n color: #000000; /* Jonah */\n color: #BBBBBB; /* Sugarcane */\n font-weight: bold;\n font-size: 28px;\n margin: 10px 0 20px 0;\n}\n\n#timer_canvas\n{\n display: none;\n width: 150px;\n height:100%;\n left:0px;\n}

<<if $money lte 0>>You don't have any more money! All you have to do now is to [[wait out the apocalypse|endOfWorld]]<<endif>><<if $money gt 0>>You have $<<print $money>>.\n\n[[SPLURGE|splurging]]<<endif>>

You are in the corridor of your small apartment.\n\n[[Go to the kitchen|Kitchen]]\n[[Go out|GoOut]]\n[[Go to your bedroom|Soon]]

<<set $mayoDone=true>>You hear several shrieks and cries of indignation but you close your eyes and do the dance of your people.\n\n<html><center><img src="http://i.imgur.com/UC0rV.png"></center></html>\n\nThe mayo prevents you from being chilled too much, and before you know it, you have danced till the [[end of the world|endOfWorld]].

Searching frantically, you find a mystical chatroom, where dudes are discussing how to defend themselves from the apocalypse. You sign on as HELPME.\n\n<HELPME> HELPME\n<Nik> uh\n<buster2xk> hi person\n<HELPME> HOW DO I PREVENT APOCALYPSE\n<Nik> what\n<buster2xk> pour mayo all over urself\n<HELPME> mayo?!\n<buster2xk> ye mayo\n<buster2xk> that's y they were called mayans\n<Nik> ahahahaha\n<nehemek> pfft\n<HELPME> ARE YOU SURE\n<Nik> You forgot the dance\n<buster2xk> Oh yeah you have to dance outside naked with mayo on you\n[[<HELPME>OKAY THANKS A TON|thanksaton]]

<<if $mayo eq true>>You shouldn't go out before you've gotten your mayo!\n\n[[Back|outBedroom]]<<endif>><<if $mayo eq false>>You walk out into the chilly winds. Shivering, you consider your options. There isn't much worth doing since the world is ending, so you guess you could splurge on consumer goods. Unfortunately, you have [[no cash|borrowMoney]] whatsoever.\n<<endif>>

<<if $canFacebook eq true>>Oh man everyone's posting about the Apocalypse oh man oh man\n\n[[Confess all the bad shit you've done|Confess]]\n[[Tell your crush that you love her|Crush]]\n<<endif>><<if $canFacebook neq true>>No way you're going there again.\n\n[[Back|webBrowser]]<<endif>>\n

What site do you want to go on?!\n\n[[http://www.facebook.com/|Facebook]]\n[[http://www.google.com/|Google]]\n[[Back|Computer]]

You approach Ribbones cautiously with your problem.\n\n<html><center><img src="http://i.imgur.com/7cFdS.png"></center></html>\n\n"How much do you need?" He grunts.\n\n[[A lot|Money]]\n[[Hella lot|Money]]\n[[Lotsa dosh|Money]]\n[[Fat stacks|Money]]\n[[A large quantity of your finest DOLLA BILLS|Money]]

<<stop_timer>><<if $mayoDone eq true>><<display MayoEnding>><<endif>><<if $mayoDone eq false>><<if $slept eq true>>You slept through the apocalypse without properly preparing for it. Good job. Good fucking job.<<endif>><<if $slept eq false>><<if $spentMoney eq true>>Unfortunately, the world doesn't end. You are unable to pay Ribbones and soon enough, you wish the apocalypse had taken your life instead.<<endif>><<if $spentMoney eq false>>It's the end of the world! Oh wait, it isn't. Those silly Mayans.<<endif>><<endif>><<endif>>\n\n<<if ($confess eq true) and ($slept eq false)>>\nAlso, everybody hates you forever due to your Facebook confessions.<<endif>><<if ($crush eq true) and ($slept eq false)>>\nAlso, your crush tells you that she never liked you and always thought you were a disgusting pervert.<<endif>>\n\nYour apocalyptic grade:\n<html><center><img src="http://i.imgur.com/RBLdJ.png"></center></html>\n\n----\n''THE END''

<<if $mayo eq true>>You eye the mayo cautiously.\n\n<html><center><img src="http://i.imgur.com/61a24.png"></center></html>\n\nYou quickly undress and grab the jar of mayo, pasting it all over yourself. This is highly unorthodox and embarrassing but who are you to question the knowledge of mystical elders? You step out into the corridor and open the door to the chilly winds.\n\n[[Let's do this.|letsDoThis]]\n<<endif>><<if $mayo eq false>>Eh, you aren't hungry. Anyway, there's nothing left in the kitchen but a jar of mayo.\n\n<html><center><img src="http://i.imgur.com/61a24.png"></center></html>\n\nWell, at least you THINK it's mayo.\n\n[[Back|outBedroom]]\n<<endif>>

OH MAN OH SHIT ONE MINUTE 'TILL [[THE END OF THE WORLD|preSoon]].

ONE MINUTE TO APOCALYPSE

splurge splurge<<set $money=$money-1000>><<set $spentMoney=true>>\n\n<html><center><img src="http://i.imgur.com/mM4jg.png"></center></html>\n\n<<display splurge>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $TimerAddon = \nfunction()\n{\n var div_timer_container = document.createElement('div');\n div_timer_container.setAttribute('id', 'timer');\n\n var div_timer_canvas = document.createElement('canvas');\n div_timer_canvas.setAttribute('id', 'timer_canvas');\n div_timer_canvas.setAttribute('width', '150');\n div_timer_canvas.setAttribute('height', '150');\n div_timer_canvas.width = div_timer_canvas.width;\n div_timer_container.appendChild(div_timer_canvas);\n \n var div_timer_text = document.createElement('span');\n div_timer_text.setAttribute('id', 'timer_text');\n div_timer_text.innerHTML = "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD";\n div_timer_container.appendChild(div_timer_text);\n\n var Timer_Active = false;\n var Timer_Paused = false;\n var Timer_Mode = 'none';\n var Timer_Param = "";\n var Timer_Max = 0;\n var Timer_Now = 0;\n \n var div_jonah_floater = document.getElementById('floater');\n if(div_jonah_floater) div_jonah_floater.appendChild(div_timer_container);\n\n var div_sugarcane_menu = document.getElementById('sidebar');\n if(div_sugarcane_menu) div_sugarcane_menu.appendChild(div_timer_container);\n\n function StartTimer(val)\n {\n Timer_Active = true;\n Timer_Paused = false;\n Timer_Max = val;\n Timer_Now = val;\n div_timer_text.style.display = 'block';\n div_timer_canvas.style.display = 'block';\n }\n\n function StopTimer()\n {\n Timer_Active = false;\n div_timer_text.style.display = 'none';\n div_timer_canvas.style.display = 'none';\n }\n\n function PauseTimer()\n {\n Timer_Paused = true;\n }\n\n function ResumeTimer()\n {\n Timer_Paused = false;\n }\n\n function SetTimerText(text)\n {\n div_timer_text.innerHTML = text;\n }\n\n function SetTimerMode(mode)\n {\n if(mode == 'display')\n {\n Timer_Mode = 'display';\n }\n else if(mode == 'restart')\n {\n Timer_Mode = 'restart';\n }\n else Timer_Mode = 'none';\n }\n\n function SetTimerParam(param)\n {\n Timer_Param = param;\n }\n\n function OnTimerEnd()\n {\n StopTimer();\n if(Timer_Mode == 'restart')\n {\n state.restart();\n if(Timer_Param) alert(Timer_Param);\n window.location.reload(true);\n \n } \n else if(Timer_Mode == 'display')\n {\n state.display(Timer_Param[0]);\n }\n }\n\n function OnTimerTick()\n {\n if(Timer_Active && !Timer_Paused)\n {\n Timer_Now = Timer_Now - 0.1;\n\n if(Timer_Now <= 0) Timer_Now = 0;\n \n var context = div_timer_canvas.getContext("2d");\n div_timer_canvas.width = div_timer_canvas.width;\n\n var x = div_timer_canvas.width / 2;\n var y = div_timer_canvas.height / 2;\n var radius = 65;\n var startAngle = 1.5 * Math.PI;\n \n var endAngle = (1.5 + (2 / Timer_Max * Timer_Now)) * Math.PI;\n var counterClockwise = false;\n\n context.beginPath();\n context.arc(x, y, radius, startAngle, endAngle, counterClockwise);\n context.lineWidth = 15;\n if(div_jonah_floater) context.strokeStyle = "black";\n if(div_sugarcane_menu) context.strokeStyle = "#BBBBBB";\n context.stroke();\n\n context.font = 'bold 30px sans-serif';\n if(div_jonah_floater) context.fillStyle = "black";\n if(div_sugarcane_menu) context.fillStyle = "#BBBBBB";\n context.fillText(Timer_Now.toFixed(1), 55, 85);\n\n if(Timer_Now <= 0) OnTimerEnd();\n }\n }\n\n setInterval(function(){ OnTimerTick(); }, 100); \n\n macros['start_timer'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n StartTimer(val);\n }\n }\n\n macros['stop_timer'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n StopTimer();\n }\n }\n\n macros['pause_timer'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n PauseTimer();\n }\n }\n\n macros['resume_timer'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n ResumeTimer();\n }\n }\n\n macros['set_timer_text'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n SetTimerText(val);\n }\n }\n\n macros['set_timer_mode'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n SetTimerMode(val);\n }\n }\n\n macros['set_timer_param'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n SetTimerParam(val);\n }\n }\n\n}\n>>\n<<print $TimerAddon()>>\n<<endsilently>>

Maybe Google has the answers!\n\n[[Search for how to stave off the apocalypse|searchApocalypseHelp]]

He hands you a large sack of cash, detailing the ridiculous taxing process and the consequences of not paying up. But you couldn't care less. It's the apocalypse! Time to [[splurge|splurge]]!<<set $money=10000>>

You guess you could borrow money from the only moneylender you know - a local [[loanshark|loanShark]] named "Ribbones".\n\nOr you could go back into the [[house|outBedroom]].

<html><center><img src="http://i.imgur.com/ysMtQ.png"></center></html>\n\nYou are in your bedroom. Everything looks normal, but you know that soon, the world will end. The Mayan's predicted it!\n\n[[Get on your computer|Computer]]\n[[Sleep|Sleep]]\n[[Walk out of the bedroom|outBedroom]]

<<silently>><<if $timerstart eq false>><<display "Timer Addon">><<set_timer_mode "display">><<set_timer_param "endOfWorld">><<start_timer 60>><<endif>><<if $timerstart eq true>>FUUUCK<<endif>><<endsilently>><<set $timerstart=true>>

<<if $mayo eq true>>no time need [[mayo|Soon]]!!<<endif>><<if $mayo eq false>><html><center><img src="http://i.imgur.com/t4RWL.png"></center></html>\n\nYou are on your computer.\n\n[[Web Browser|webBrowser]]\n[[Play a game|playGame]]\n[[Back|Soon]]<<endif>>

<<if $mayo eq false>><<set $slept=true>>\n<html><center><img src="http://i.imgur.com/2CLDL.png"></center></html>\n\nYou decide to sleep the apocalypse out.\n\nYou lay on your bed, and [[drift off|endOfWorld]].<<endif>><<if $mayo eq true>>no time need [[mayo|Soon]]!!<<endif>>

Chaoclypse

<<set $canFacebook=false>><<set $crush=true>>you: I LOVE YOU\n\nher: uhm what\n\nyou: I ALWAYS HAVE LOVED YOU I ALWAYS WILL BYE\n\nYou [[close the tab|webBrowser]] in a fit of embarrassment.\n